What a season…the first lacrosse season to be held amidst a global pandemic. We wore masks and it was hot, uncomfortable and we couldn’t breathe, but we were able to compete. So thankful for just being able to compete (whether I could breathe or not.)
It’s June 12 and we finished our Season with a loss in the NYS Section III Class D Semi Finals to Westhill. Westhill went on to play Skaneateles in the finals and lost. It was a challenging season for me and I had a rough start. In January I started having anxiety and panic attacks. You can read more about that here.
The first 2/3’s of my Season was not how I expected it to be. The truth is that I lost myself. It was a dark time (for both me) and my family. I was in a place that I never thought I would be. The fact is that I managed to guide myself out of the darkness and finished the season strong! That is what I’m most proud of. Not my stats, but the fact that I overcame (what I thought) was the impossible and emerged into a stronger, more confident version of myself!
This was a tough time for me. One of the toughest in my life. Everything I trained for, everything I prepared for, was slipping away. My anxiety disorder and panic attacks were getting the best of me. My teammates witnessed this when I had a panic attack during practice one day. The Flex Mesh in my stick broke and I couldn’t shoot as well with my backup. Shots that I once could place with ease, were hitting the pipe, going wide, and over top. One went so high I scored a field goal. (If only I was a football player!) Good lord….I was a mess! Then it started….I could feel my heart racing, my armpits were a swamp and my breathing becoming more rapid. I’ve felt this before and knew I was having a panic attack. I had to run off the field, take a walk and breathe. My Assistant Coach came with me and talked me through it and told me to focus on my breathing. I was thankful she was there. I thought for sure this was it. This was when I would have the big one. At any moment, I would drop to the ground and die. I thought to myself….”this is it. If I don’t die right now, then I’ll be on the bench for sure!” It’s a crucial year. It’s my Junior Year in High School, after a Sophomore Season that we missed due to COVID. My entire life is on the line, and now that my Coaches have witnessed me falling apart, they will never have confidence in me! I’m done! My identity – Lacrosse, playing in College, getting into Medical School. All done! Fortunately, I didn’t die, but I was sure I wouldn’t play. Without play, my collegiate career was over. That stress in itself was enough to do me in!
It was a few days before our first game and I was getting progressively worse. I had it in my head that I was becoming worse and worse on the lacrosse field, and that I was no longer the tough, resilient, skilled athlete that I once was. It was almost as if I paralyzed myself on the field. I was dropping balls, I couldn’t make shots. I was emotional. (and I’m not emotional). My arsenal of tricks that I had been working on for years was gone. The once confident athlete that I was had slipped away. I was a complete failure (to myself). My world was crumbling, my identity was slipping away and my future was doomed! My Coaches asked me to come in for a “meeting”. Normally this would not bother me, but my anxiety leading up to this “meeting” was escalating. This was it – I thought they would kick me off the team. I was a complete failure. My Coach thought I would be one of her “go to” players and I was a disaster. On the way to the “meeting” I thought it would be easier to drive off a cliff instead of facing the fact that my lacrosse career and my life (as I know it) was over. I didn’t drive off a cliff and went to the meeting. My Coaches told me not to worry about shooting and it didn’t matter. There was no pressure for me to score and that I was a skilled player, but they didn’t want me to feel like I had to score. I fell apart (of course) like I had every other day for the past four months.
The first game was upon us and nothing was working for me. I was a mess! The Professional Help that I had been getting over the last few weeks, clearly was useless. The endless hours of training, nutrition, meditation, affirmations, journaling…..all failures! But with the help of my family, I persisted on and continued with my rituals. I was in and out throughout games. Not how I expected it to roll. It was tough sitting out watching my teammates. After all….I was part of the group. We had played together in School and Club for 6 or 7 years and I was the one who would still go out back and practice after games. My confidence was at an all-time low!
Throughout this, I couldn’t help but think of how my failure could affect my “Buddy”. A few weeks earlier, I had went to my Assistant Coach with my idea of having a “Buddy Program” for the Little Laxers or “Littles” coming up through the ranks. I don’t want to go into too much detail, but a younger player was having similar anxiety issues as I was, so I spent some time with her listening and offering up a few tips that had helped me. I put together some notes and terms and we rolled out the The Buddy Program to the team. It was not mandatory, but several opted in. I had a couple of good get togethers with My Buddy and I think it (not only) helped her, but it also helped me knowing that I could make a difference in someone else’s life.
The first few games of the season were pretty much a disaster. With many life experiences like this, there is typically a turning point, when you hit rock bottom before you begin to turn the corner. This was it for me. I was at an all-time low. It was a scary time for me and my family. I wasn’t playing much and everyone else was. I was moved out of my primary position that I had held for 5 years, and it was being occupied by 2-3 others. I thought it may be easier to drive into a tree than to continue to exist.
I continued to practice, train, meditate, eat right and set goals for myself (with the help of my Parents). It was a rough few weeks. Rock bottom is not me. It’s not where I wanted to be, and it’s not where I was staying. I started to notice things changing (for the better). I wasn’t as emotional, my stomach issues were improving and I was enjoying going to practice again.
The turning point for me was about halfway through the season when I noticed a difference. My Dad said this is when he could see that “I got my mojo back.” We had just played a game with a League Team and when I came home, I went out back to practice my shots and get some agility drills (ladder) in. While I was out there, I was reflecting on the game I just played and what I needed to do to prepare for the next “big” game. In two days we would play Canandaigua from (neighboring) Section V. This would be our toughest competition yet. Canandaigua is known for having two of the (nationally ranked) “Monster” Teams’ Owners’ daughters on the offense, one of which is a Senior committed to Boston College. There is also a Midfielder, who takes the draw and is also committed to BC. I had been watching film so that I could get an understanding of how the their defense is setup and also how they run their offense, so I can relay the information to our defenders.
It was Game Day and (for some reason) my team wasn’t very lively, so I felt the need to “pump them up”. After all, this was our biggest game yet, and 6 months ago, we didn’t even know if we would have a season! It’s time to get rowdy!
It was the opening draw, and the opponent was able to get possession and go down and score. The second, third and fourth they got possession and were able to score. Eight minutes into it, it was 6-0 and we could not get possession. Finally, on the next draw we were awarded possession, as their draw person moved early. The Midfielders were able to bring the ball down and I was finally able to get it in my hands. I was able to do a face dodge – fake and side arm shot into the goal to get us on the board. I’m in the back #20 with the white GAIT stick with the yellow head. You can check it out here:
I felt good during that game. It’s something about the tough competition or the challenge that motivates me. Even though we were down by 5, I felt confident and I wanted my teammates to feel it too! That was the start of our comeback. Soon, it 5-6 and we were still having trouble getting possession on the draw, but our goalie was spot on, so that was a huge advantage. It was back and forth and tied 7-7 at the half. I didn’t want to lose the momentum. The stands were fairly full (for a COVID-restriction year) and this was great competition. I thought that it was my job to keep my teammates pumped. Some yells, some jumps, a few fist pumps and we were headed back out to start the 2nd half.
It went back and forth and we were tied at 11-11 at the end of the second half, and we headed into Overtime. No one scored, so we were headed into Double Overtime. The intensity, the excitement, the adrenaline. It was at an all time high. The competition was great. The camaraderie we had as a team was greater. This is why we play. It’s the sense of belonging. The trust. The friendship. The “got my back” and “got your back” feeling that comes along with it. The “we can do this together” feeling. It’s your identity. It’s their identity. It’s our identity. We are a TEAM!
There is 33 seconds remaining in the second double overtime and I was positioned slightly behind the goalie’s line of sight. The ball is up top and I see my defender leaving me. One of their best players (the BC ’22 Recruit) is leaving me open. I back up to get a little space. She keeps moving up. My teammate sees that I’m open. I sprint around the crease and she passes to me from way up top. I catch it and it’s a quick stick in the upper right corner. Everyone goes crazy! It was a huge moment for all of us! You can see it here:
That was a huge win for us! Spectators said “it was the best game they’ve watched in a long time.” The team work, the level of competition, the synergy was unrivaled. Coach said that moment will be talked about for years to come! The Athletic Director said that was one of the best moments in the school’s history of all sports!
It was fun to see the headlines in the Watertown Daily Times. I knew that our success was because of our teamwork.
What a blast! We were pumped and could not wait for the next one!
The next two games were league games and we beat the Carthage Comets 17-2 and Watertown Cyclones 15-4 and captured the Frontier League Title for the fourth consecutive year. It was a little nerve wracking getting my first media interview, but I knew that we were a well-oiled team and that I had the best teammates. We’ve played together in School and Club for years. You can check out the article here:
The next game was against Liverpool on 5/29 on our home field and was back and forth, but we came through and defeated Liverpool 12-11. Check out a clip here (I’m behind the goal – #20 GAIT Stick Yellow Head):
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It was June 1 and the season was flying buy! There were only two games left before we enter Sectionals Week. We played General Brown at home and won 19-3, in which I totaled 5 points (4 goals and 1 assist). You can see the highlights below:
Our last game of the Regular Season was against Christian Brothers Academy on June 4. CBA is known for producing numerous power house players that go on to play at the highest level. I was feeling up to the challenge. We went on to defeat CBA 19-3 and I had a personal season record high scoring game with 7 points (6 goals – 1 assist). You can see a few highlights below. I’m on the left side of the net.
It was Sunday, June 6 and Sectionals week was upon us. Everyone was anxiously awaiting rankings and brackets to be released. For the first time in history, the higher seed team would host on their home turf. Typically Sectionals are held at a neutral location. This year, due to COVID, everything was different.
The rankings are released and we are the #2 seed. We play Clinton on Tuesday June 8 on our home field. Even though we came out ahead with a a 20-4 win over our opponent and I totaled 6 points (4 g/2a), it is bittersweet. Each game is one closer to the end of the Season….something I didn’t want to happen. Now that I was having “the time of my life,” I wanted to keep the “good times rollin!” Check out the clips from the NYS Section III Class D Quarterfinals (South Jefferson vs Clinton) below:
It was the next day at practice and we were set to host Westhill on Thursday, June 10 on our home turf.
We were preparing for Finals which would take place Saturday June 12 and would (most likely) be vs Skaneateles on their home field. We were watching film and running plays in hope of defeating them, as we had lost to them in the Sectional Finals in 2019.
–>>Next Stop…. Game Day Section III Class D Semi Finals South Jefferson vs Westhill
It was Thursday June 10 and it was Game Day. One more step to the Finals. I knew the Goalie was a Division I Recruit who would be attending Northwestern in the Fall of 2022. I played with her before and knew that she could stop both high and low shots, communicated well, and has a high LAX IQ. In order to score on her, you would need a fake, a hard shot, and place it off-stick side. Which is exactly what I did and it worked! Your can see it here:
In the blink of an eye – it was over. The Season had come to a close. Westhill defeated South Jefferson 15-8. No one expected it. We were all in shock. The Parents were in disbelief. The Senior Parents were devastated. How could this have happened? How could it be over? This is not what we expected. After all, we had defeated the Section V Champion (Canandaigua) and the Section III Class A Champion (CNS). Westhill was a lower seed. We were expected to win. We were the team that was supposed to be in the Finals. How could this be?
The Season was over. Our Seniors were done. We would never play together on this Turf again. Not the ending any of us expected. We all wanted to rewind the calendar! If only we could turn back time.
When shock transitioned to reality, I had some time to reflect on the game. I’m not a believer in dwelling on the past, but I am a believer in reflecting, learning, and improving. I know something about Lacrosse just from living it every day for the past 9 years. I’m not a Coach. I really don’t know how they do it some days. Coaching has to be one of the hardest jobs around. I know there are rewards and many love it. To me, it seems like they are always paddling up river. When they finally get to the dock, a swift current takes them downstream again. It takes a special type of person to be a Coach.
It’s been a few weeks since that game and it’s now July. I’m in the same place I’ve been most days for the past 9 years….in my backyard practicing on the bounce back and working on my agility, and listening to my favorite tunes. I remember that day. Something was different. We were just “off”. It wasn’t like the other games. I try to pinpoint it. I reflect on the game, what we did, how we did it and how I felt. I can’t really comment on how my teammates felt, but I know how I felt. There were a few things (that I believe) contributed to our defeat.
- Never underestimate your opponent – We were too busy preparing for the next game that we completely overlooked the opponent that would eventually lead to our demise.
- Always prep for success – By this I mean don’t put the cart before the horse. Prepare for tomorrow before next week. Don’t get me wrong…it’s great to look to the future, but don’t overlook the near future while doing so. If we spent more time preparing for Westhill first, and Skan second, I think we would have been ready! I’m sure Westhill was preparing for us! I heard (through the grapevine) that their strategy was to tire our midfielders out, so that they would be shot in the second half, and to score on transition, and that’s exactly what they did.
- It starts with possession – We could not get or maintain possession. Most of the game consisted of the opponent controlling the ball. When I look back at the film, we won two draws. I’ve heard Coaches say over and over again…”we can’t score if we don’t have possession. We must win the draw.” I have to agree with them. I guess that’s why Collegiate Teams have multiple draw takers.
- Get your Mojo on! – There’s something to be said for The Pump Up! My Dad said our Bleachers were dead and theirs were pumped. They were loud, stomping, pumped. We were quiet and not pumped at all. He said it was embarrassing. He believes anyone with the skill and camaraderie can be pumped up to achieve anything. I kind of believe him. I should have been on Pump Up duty. When I look back, we were quiet and not excited. I wish I could go back. I would have done things differently.
It’s still hard to believe that it’s over. It flew by! I’m thankful that we were able to have a season. I wish we could have one more game! My advice to “The Littles” is to cherish every practice – every game, cuz with the blink of an eye it’s over. It’s true when they say…the days are long but the years are short! Our Seniors are gone and next year that will be us! We ended the season in the NYS Section III Class D Semi Finals with an overall record of 16-2, and we went 10-0 where we were held the title of Frontier League Champions for the fourth straight year.
I finished the Season with 49 Total Points (37G/12A).
I am most proud of the fact that (although the first half of my season wasn’t how I anticipated it to be), I was able to make a turnaround and finish strong. 70% if my total points came in the last 9 games, and I was able to see growth, progress and increased confidence each day.
If I could rewind back to the start of those 18 games, I would erase my anxiety and panic attacks during the first 9 games, come out strong, and enjoy each and every day. That’s not possible, but there are things that I CAN do as I prepare to enter my Senior Year. My plan is to continue to work on my speed, agility and shot placement. I also would like to put on some size (muscle), so that I’m a solid force out on the field. I will continue to model good behavior and work with The Littles. You can read more about that below.
The bottom line is that life deals you a deck of cards and you may not always get the hand you would like or have anticipated. You have a couple of choices: you can either throw your cards down on the table and give up; or you can adjust, make the best of it, try to think ahead, prepare and position yourself, so that no matter the outcome, you are able to adapt to the situation and move forward. I choose the latter!
You’ve heard it before: Great leaders model the way. What better time to create the future than after an unprecedented pandemic? How can I help? What can I do? One way I can help model the way is to “Lead with Empathy”. When I work with our Youth LAX’ers (or as we call them – “The Littles”), I will strive to create structure, guidance, and direction for “The Littles”. I will project confidence (and kindness) and be cognizant of their feelings, in an effort to keep them engaged. I will develop relationships that will last for years and (hopefully) influence and guide their pathways (for the good) and create a culture where they #findtheirbest and #betheirbest so they will continue to play and #lovethegame and develop as a member of the #nextgenerationoffemalelacrosseplayers.
My Thoughts…..
With the Summer of 2021 upon us and the unknowns of 2022 on the horizon….it’s safe to say that no matter what the summer brings, no matter how long (or short) my Senior Year Season is, I will stay true to my values and goals, and create a culture that wants to keep training, practicing and making good choices, while continuing to model the leadership skills expected of me, so that we will be ready for whatever 2022 brings us.
That’s right – (a wise man who I call my-other-father once said)….always remember and don’t ever forget…as difficult as it’s been, or as challenging as it may be, these are life lessons and these times will make us stronger!
JUNIOR YEAR HIGHLIGHTS
…..the season like no other…..
My Athletic Profile will provide you a whole bunch of detail about me, in addition to who I am and what I stand for. From Academic Achievements to Athletic Stats to Extras & Clubs and Upcoming Events. It has it all! Think of it as my Student-Athlete Resume. If you have received an email from me, it will contain the link to download My Athletic Profile. If you have not received one and would like to learn more about me, feel free to contact me to request more info.
